When Father’s Day Is Hard Because You Didn’t Have a Good Dad

On Father’s Day, people of all ages head to the stores to find cards. These cards are a way to thank dads for their love and for teaching us life’s important lessons. We look for ways to show our dads respect, express our love, and acknowledge the debt we feel we owe them.

However, not everyone has such positive feelings towards their fathers. Some of us are at a loss when it comes to thinking about what to thank our dads for. There are dads who were absent from our lives right from the start. Others are physically present but emotionally distant. Then there are those whose hurtful words and actions have left deep emotional and sometimes even physical scars. Maybe they were more interested in alcohol than in their own children, or they made it difficult for us to believe that men could be kind and loving. Their behavior doesn’t just make us doubt their love; it makes us question if anyone could ever love us.

For many of us, Father’s Day is a hated day. It’s a painful reminder of the loving father we never had.

But even on this difficult day, there is still hope. While it’s valid to feel sad about the pain caused by our earthly fathers (and it’s crucial to seek help if we’re in an abusive situation), we can find comfort in our relationship with our heavenly Father. Our earthly dads may have sinned in how they parented us, but our heavenly Father is perfect in righteousness. We are not fatherless.

Here are six truths to keep in mind about our perfect Father in heaven.

1. He Is Close When We’re Heartbroken
   Psalm 34:18 says, “The LORD is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.” Our earthly dads might have made light of our pain or simply ignored our cries for help. Maybe they’ve repeatedly broken our hearts over the years. But when we’re feeling crushed, God is right there with us. He shows us compassion. When we’re so overwhelmed that we don’t know how to pray, the Holy Spirit steps in to help us (Rom. 8:26–27). God doesn’t mock our pain; instead, he gives it meaning (Rom. 8:28–30).
2. He Doesn’t Condemn Us
   As believers, we are free from God’s condemnation (Rom. 8:1). Our earthly fathers may have nitpicked every flaw and mistake we made because we didn’t meet their ideal of a perfect child. But our heavenly Father took all the punishment we deserved and placed it on Christ. We no longer have to live in shame. Because of Christ’s righteousness, our Father sees us as justified. Instead of facing wrath and condemnation, we experience God’s loving discipline, which protects us, helps us grow, and makes us more like him (Heb. 12:4–11).
3. He Chose to Adopt Us
   Some dads make it clear that they didn’t want their children. We might have been seen as a “mistake” or “unplanned,” and they seemed to prefer doing anything else rather than taking care of us. In contrast, our heavenly Father is deeply involved in our lives. He adopted us. Ephesians 1 tells us that before the world was created, God deliberately chose to adopt each of his children. He predestined us to be saved by the blood of Christ (Eph. 1:3–7). Even though God is completely self – sufficient and didn’t need us, he chose to love us with a deep, unconditional love.
4. He Will Never Abandon Us
   Earthly dads can leave us. They can physically walk out of our lives or choose to stay distant. But God makes a promise: he will never leave us. He is always faithful, even when we are unfaithful (2 Tim. 2:13). He has promised to complete the good work he started in us, raising us to new life (Phil. 1:6). Even if our earthly dads give up on us, God will keep working in us to make us holy.
5. He Will Teach Us to Live Righteously
   We might wish our earthly dads had spent more time teaching us how to love God, how to choose a good partner, how to respect authority, or how to lead with kindness. Instead, they may have shown us the opposite. But our good and perfect heavenly Father has changed our hearts. He gives us a new heart and a new spirit:
   “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules.” (Ezek. 36:26–27)
   We can’t obey God on our own, so God gives us both a new heart that wants to obey and his Spirit to help us love and follow his law.
6. He Gave His Son for Us
   Earthly dads can be self – centered. They might do things only for their own benefit, even if it hurts us. But our heavenly Father gave his Son for us:
   “Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was pierced for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his wounds we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and the LORD has laid on him the iniquity of us all.” (Isa. 53:4–6)
   Rather than letting us continue on the path to destruction because of our sin, God allowed his Son to be crucified. He poured out his anger on Jesus so that we could be brought close to him and have eternal life. Through this sacrifice, if we trust in Christ, our guilt is taken away, and we are given Christ’s righteousness (Rom. 10:9–10).

The Father in heaven loves us more than any earthly dad could even begin to understand. He has given us so much grace. Because of this, we can let go of bitterness and anger. We can find a safe place and hope in knowing our wonderful heavenly Father. On this Father’s Day, when the painful memories of our earthly dads’ failures become too much to bear, we can turn our hearts to our heavenly Father, who loved us perfectly long before we ever loved him.