From Resentment to Connection: 5 Ways to Love Difficult People Without Losing Your Soul
1. “See the Backpack, Not the Badge” (Or: Why My Neighbor’s Lawn Rage Changed Me)
Mr. Jenkins yelled at my kids for stepping on his grass—again. I fantasized about TP-ing his house until I learned his wife had just died. One rainy day, I brought him chili and blurted, “Your lawn looks terrible. Want help?” He burst into tears. “Ellie always planted marigolds… I don’t know how.”
The principle: Everyone wears an invisible backpack of pain. My pastor calls it “the ministry of asking ‘Why?’ instead of ‘How could you?!’”
Try this:
- When someone’s rude, whisper: “What wound is this behavior protecting?”
- Act: Send a “No Strings” text: “Saw [specific thing they care about] and thought of you. No need to reply.” (Works wonders with estranged siblings.)
