From Resentment to Connection: 5 Ways to Love Difficult People Without Losing Your Soul
2. “Love Their 10%, Even If It’s Buried Under 90% Crap” (Thanks, Aunt Linda)
My aunt spent years trashing my life choices. Then I noticed her 10%: She’d secretly paid my cousin’s rehab bills and volunteered at the cat shelter. I started thanking her only for that 10%: “Linda, your generosity with animals inspires me.” Slowly, her jabs lessened.
The science: Psychologists call this “positive reinforcement.” Jesus modeled it with Zacchaeus—He honored his hospitality before confronting his greed (Luke 19:1-10).
My hack:
- Keep a “10% Journal” for difficult people:
“Karen from work… 10% = She always refills the coffee pot.”
“Teenage son… 10% = He fed the dog without being asked Tuesday.” - Mention their 10% publicly. At Thanksgiving, I announced: “Mom, I’m thankful you taught me to speak up—even when it drives me nuts.”
