From Resentment to Connection: 5 Ways to Love Difficult People Without Losing Your Soul
5. “Love Them, Not Their Potential” (A Lesson From My Addicted Brother)
I spent years trying to “fix” my brother—AA meetings, tough love, tearful interventions. Then his counselor said: “You’re in love with who he could be, not who he is.” Ouch.
Now, I practice “as-is love”:
- Text: “No matter what, you’re my brother and I’m glad you exist.”
- Send Uber Eats gift cards (no lectures attached)
- Celebrate tiny wins: “I noticed you walked the dog today—that’s responsibility!”
The shift: Loving someone as-is doesn’t mean approving of harmful behavior. It means separating their worth from their choices—like Jesus did with the adulterous woman (John 8:1-11).
Try this:
- Write a “No Conditions” note:
“I love you because you’re [name], not because you [achieve/quit/change].” - Pray: “God, help me see them through Your eyes, not my wishlist.”
