From Resentment to Connection: 5 Ways to Love Difficult People Without Losing Your Soul
3. “Get Curious, Not Furious” (How I Survived Co-Parenting With My Ex)
When my ex forgot our daughter’s recital (again), I drafted a rage-text. Then I remembered my therapist’s question: “What if his behavior isn’t about you?” I sent instead: “This keeps happening. Are you okay?”
He called, sobbing: “I’m failing her like my dad failed me.” We now co-parent better because I stopped assuming malice.
The principle: Curiosity disarms conflict. Jesus did this with the Samaritan woman (John 4): “Why are you here alone?” not “You’re a hot mess.”
Try this:
- Replace accusations with:
“Help me understand…”
“What’s making this hard right now?” - For passive-aggressive folks: “I might be misreading, but when you said ___, it felt ___. Can we clarify?”
